monkey nonsense

i used to have potential. in 2nd grade, i got an award for having one of the cleaniest desks in class. (insane, right??) i got an award in high school for spitting on bacteria (back when i thought perhaps bio might be interesting) and, in the most ironic of awards, an award in “computer science” for doing awesome in a computer apps class (how to use MS Word/PowerPoint, how to make a homepage, etc. etc.) but all of that was in school… in the real world, i really haven’t accomplished anything. my biggest recognition in the working world has been (and this is NOT a joke; i wouldn’t even dare joke about this) that i click/type/copy- and-paste very efficiently and accurately, clicking/typing/copying-and-pasting better than anyone else on my team. booyeah! in any case…

i just found out through facebook that a middle school friend of mine passed away recently. she graduated from wellesley in 2004, was a fulbright scholar(!!), taught english in korea, and accomplished so much in 24 years. i lost touch with her around 10th/11th grade (we went to different high schools) and only occassionally heard things about what she was up to through mutual friends. i remember always being impressed with her, even in middle school. she was a cello virtuoso, mastered french (something i never could handle), got straight As aalllllll the time, and could recite (from memory) verses from les mis. to top things off, she was gentle, sweet, kind, and tirelessly patient (how i am annoying example #1983981951: i stole her binder and wrote “Errorfree Jane” on ALLLL her papers)

i get sad thinking about how much she accomplished in so short a time and how much more she could’ve done. i really missed out on an amazing person when i lost touch with her in 10th grade. it makes me feel like such a lazy bum and a waste of potential (granted my potential was never as impressive as hers… cleaniest desk rarely translates to success as much as mastery of a foreign language or musical instrument translate)

perhaps adding to this is finding out that another classmate (this one from elementary school) passed away in iraq this past year. i wasn’t really friends with this classmate and honestly can’t remember him in any classes after elementary school. but i remember him being really, really quiet in class, almost to the point that i was scared to talk to him (i wasn’t exactly the most talkative person in class either. so my social anxiety would freak me out whenever i had to interact with him… what if the two of us just sat there in awkward silence?!?!) but when he actually did speak, what he said was always funny. i didn’t even realize he was in the army, but when i read the washingtonpost article on him, it sounded as if he had really found his place and was doing lots.

i think i always view my current age as a relatively young age and think- it’s ok, i have plenty of time to try to accomplish something. when you’re a kid, the world is your oyster!  one day you think you’re going to be an astronaut… the next day, an italian ice business owner!  but 24 isn’t that young anymore and there are so many people who have accomplished so much in even less time. i hope it’s not already too late (one, particularly my parents and past/current roommates, might argue that “cleaniest desk” boat has already sailed)

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 21st, 2006 at 12:19 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.