a stubborn pushover
sometimes i feel like a pushover. i’ve noticed that often times, i do end up doing whatever someone suggests i do. i’m not a real pushover… it’s just when i can’t make up my mind and i really don’t have a preference, i’ll likely do whatever the other person suggests.
so then i staunchly refuse to do something. usually it’s something minor because if it were something major and i agree with the advice someone’s given me, i’ll follow it. i don’t purposely refuse to do something for the sake of disagreeing… not for the big stuff at least 
maybe for the little stuff…
which gets me accused of being stubborn. i admit i’m stubborn at times, but usually for minor, trivia things. like the name of the store bed, bath, and beyond… it’s bed, bath, and beyond. you can’t drop the and beyond because then you limit the enormity of the store. saying that it only sells bed and bath stuff is selling it short! i digress.
is it possible to be both stubborn and a pushover? those 2 seem to go counter of each other. someone who’s stubborn will stand up for what they believe in, the exact opposite of a pushover. i think i’m a pushover when it comes to taking action. i can’t make up my mind so if i have to make a decision, i’ll tend to seek advice from others and trust whichever choice they make. i think i can be stubborn when it comes to beliefs and more abstract things. i’m not sure if that’s the right combination… is it better to stand by what you believe, but be easily swayed in what you do (being stubborn in thought but a pushover in action)? or to act decisively but be more swayed in what you believe (being stubborn in action but a pushover in thought)?
i think acting decisively indicates that your beliefs are not necessarily easily swayed. for example, suppose the person is stubborn and wants to go eat steak and only steak. they’ve already decided meat is the best thing in the world (hence the want to eat steak) so perhaps there’s really no such thing as being stubborn in action but a pushover in thought… maybe someone who seems this way is just open minded enough to appear like a pushover (i.e. listening to the benefits of an all-vegetable diet, considering it, seemingly understanding it and accepting it) but still sticking to their decision to eat steak. they’re not really a pushover i guess.
i think i have it all backwards. i would be the one who internally believes steak is the best food in the world, but after having a conversation with a vegetarian, order a salad that they suggest (ok ok, that’s probably a really bad example… but i do eat salads!) i think this is bad because i’m not really acting in line with my thoughts. but it’s not as if anyone would be able to tell… i don’t give any indication of what i’m thinking. stupid!
and in conclusion… bed, bath, and beyond!!
March 8th, 2007 at 2:31 pm
I think you’re confusing indecisiveness with being a pushover. Being a pushover means that you’ll do anything anyone tells you even if you don’t want to.
In your steak/salad example, it’s not clear if the person is pushing you to eat a salad or if they merely suggested it. Taking others’ suggestions doesn’t make you a pushover or indecisive – it just means you’re option to different things. However, if you really did want steak at that moment and the person is pushing you to get a salad and you did it so they would stop pushing you to get the salad, then you would be a pushover.
If you’re refusing to do something for the sake of refusing, not because you disagree with it, then you’re being contrary (and stubborn.) In the case of bb&b, you’re just being exact.
March 8th, 2007 at 3:03 pm
i don’t think i quite do the “do anything anyone tells you even if you don’t want to” and only occasionally will i just agree to something to end the discussion quicker… i think it’s more that i’m too easily convinced to take their side over my own. they’ll convince me, at the time of the decision, that what they are suggesting is the best choice. but then later on, i’ll think man! why did i do that?!
it’s like when someone says a zinger and you can’t think of a great comeback at the moment. but hours later, while you’re brushing your teeth, you’ll think of the best comeback!!!! and no one’s there to hear it
i like the exact argument for bb&b… exact, that’s what i am
March 15th, 2007 at 2:03 pm
haha..i like the example with the comeback..well put
i don’t know what you can do about that..end the discussion earlier before you get convinced (if you think you’ll regret it later)? i dunno..or be more mindful of the types of things you regret and be more firm about those decisions/situations
how do you get better at comebacks??