something came up this weekend that made me wonder… how long is it ok to carry a grudge? when do u let things go and when do you “stand by your principles?”
in 1995, my parents were “betrayed” by close family friends who sued them over… of all things, chinese school!! BAH! right??? it seems a ridiculous thing to sue someone over. and it was doubly retarded because they were all close friends. in any case, sides were taken and suddenly, close friendships were lost. many of the kids i grew up with actually sided with the people suing my family and it was kind of sad… i didn’t hang out with them anymore. however, on the positive side, i got to know many of my now close family friends a whole lot better and that is why we’re close family friends today. i think in high school, it was easy to have a sense of rivalry with our former chinese school classmates because there was a sense of pride over what our parents had overcome in creating the. greatest. chinese. academy. ever. haha, ok… maybe i was a tad obsessed.
it also hurt because a year after all this, my mom got really sick and ended up needing a lot of support from friends and family. i was quite sad that many of the close friends that i thought would have been there for her… didn’t even visit her while she was in the hospital. it was sort of sad to think that they couldn’t get over their sense of pride over chinese school to be there for her.
about 2-3 years ago, the parents of one of the people who sued my parents died. i grew up (and even shared a birthday!) with their son so i felt bad… but it’d been over 10 years since i last had even seen this guy. my parents told me that his grandparent had died and that there would be a memorial service… i asked my parents whether they would attend and my mom said no. i actually scolded my parents about carrying a grudge for too long. in the end, my parents called the adults and according to my mom, they had a nice long phone conversation… but both sides realized that they weren’t close friends anymore.
now one of the kids of the main people suing my parents owns a bubble tea shop right by my parents’ house. i don’t really go to it that often just because i’ve always preferred slurpees when home… but i’ve gone to it once or twice. but it came up in conversation with my sister this last time she was home. was it wrong for me to frequent “the enemy’s” business? i guess i am supporting her by spending money in her shop. have i lost my sense of chinese school and family pride to the point that i’ll sell my “principles” for some good tasting bubble tea? food is my weakness…
i always felt like it was between the adults and not really the children, but some things that my sister mentioned actually disgusted me. apparently (and i’m hearing second hand information… but from my sister so i will tend to believe her), the original chinese school held a meeting to discuss the dividing faction’s attempt at separating into its own chinese school. and this kid supposedly started crying in an attempt to make people feel sorry for her family and stay with the original chinese school… touting all the hard work her parents put into the school. well eexxxcuuuuuuse me… and our parents did diddily squat and deserved to be sued and BANNED from attending the closing ceremonies for the semester (no joke! one of my friends’ older sister graduated that year from chinese school and neither of her parents could attend!)?? this was all news to me… and it made me regret having gave my money to this person. suddenly, i felt all upset again over something that happened over 10 years ago.
so this weekend, someone suggested going to this bubble tea shop. and i was torn… on the one hand, i’ve already been a customer there… i’ve already “sold my soul” so what’s one more cup of bubble tea? on the other hand, now that i know all these details… i’m even more upset than when i was a kid! am i a rage-filled revengeful person for carrying a grudge (over chinese school!!) after all these years?
4 responses so far ↓
1 Christina // Apr 3, 2007 at 9:03 am
just exactly why were your parents sued over chinese school? weirdness to be suing over that…
2 talida // Apr 3, 2007 at 10:03 am
in an ideal world, no one would ever carry grudges. but we’re all human, and we’re going to hurt each other, and people start to carry grudges when they’ve been wronged. i guess one question is, do you think your family could ever forgive the old family friends even if they never apologize? i think that would be the point when you can let things go, when no harbored feelings of bitterness are left inside.
i don’t think you’re a “rage-filled revengeful person” for carrying a grudge. you’re not revengeful because it doesn’t sound like you or your family are actively getting back at them for suing/banning/etc. i don’t know if you have to stop going to get bubble tea from that shop. maybe the feud can end when the kids get along - kinda like some sort of abc family movie, hehe, jk.
i dunno, it’s a tough situation…
3 monkey // Apr 5, 2007 at 9:48 am
my parents were sued because the other side claimed they were stealing students from the original chinese school. after the judge dismissed that claim (because students should have a choice in whatever school they want to attend), the NON-PROFIT chinese school argued that we were taking away their profit by starting another chinese school. the judge also dismissed that claim since it just makes no sense… the chinese school’s main purpose should be to educate, not to generate profit. also, there are like 20 other chinese schools in the DC area… there is no monopoly on chinese schools. basically, the judge sided with my parents because the other side just had no reasonable argument. it was pretty ridiculous that the case even went before the judge… they must have gotten some bad legal advice on their side. when dismissing the case, the judge even said that this was a waste of his time.
what if i want to start my own bubble tea shop to compete against her bubble tea shop?
then would i be revengeful?? jk
4 sprees // Apr 6, 2007 at 11:59 am
isaac suggested paying with monopoly money.
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