monkey nonsense

what do you do when you’re stressed?

i eat. a lot. constantly. then, if the stress continues, i eventually just stop doing everything. right now, i’m feeling a little stressed because of various things. too many things going on, too many commitments, etc. etc. and i’ve noticed i’ve stopped doing things. i’ll just go home, sit at home on the couch/bed and watch tv or fall asleep. this, in turn, leads to more stress. it’s a vicious cycle. because i’m overcommitted, i’m stressed. because i’m stressed, i sleep/goof off. because i slept/goofed off, i have no time to prepare and i’m hurrying from one commitment to the next.

my room is A MESS. i haven’t seen the floor in forever. i desperately need to do laundry. i need to do my taxes. i need to go the gym that i am paying $60 a month for. i need to figure out my living situation.

and tonight, when i get home, i know what i’m doing. i’m re-watching arrested development!

i want to build a house.

unfortunately, in order to build a house, you need monies. it’s no longer enough to donate your time towards a charity. you got to financially back it as well! i mean, it all makes sense. because even with free labor, materials cost something.

please contact me if you are interested in donating any money to habitat for humanity. it’s tax deductible! every last bit helps!

in sixth grade, whenever someone in the class complained about something, ms. feldman would tell us “life’s not fair. deal with it.” ouch. i thought that was pretty harsh to tell a 12 year old kid. i mean, i know why she told us that… but still.

lately, i’ve been realizing more and more just how much i want to be a kid again. granted, there’s the fun reasons i want to be a kid again (playing all the time, having no responsibilities, being able to lay around on the ground wherever i want without getting weird looks) but i think the biggest thing i miss about being a kid again is the idealism.

when you’re a kid, it’s ok to dream big. to think that you, one tiny little person, can make a huge difference in the world. to think that you can be the first astronaut on mars, discover the cure to cancer, invent the next big invention, etc. idealism is rewarded as a child… people encourage you and tell you that as long as you work hard, you can accomplish anything.

but then, as you become older and older, society starts to tell you otherwise. idealism is no longer rewarded in 95% of the cases (i leave open that last 5% because there are those superstar people who are idealistic and accomplish what they dream. but they are a small group)

i am way too idealistic. i learned this at work when we did the myers briggs training and i discovered my type was the idealistic type. what happens to idealistic people? they either become huge successes (due to their big dreams) or they become jaded. why do they become jaded? to protect themselves. because being idealistic means being frustrated and getting burned. when you give people more credit than they deserve, when you think that people are better than they are, you end up sorely disappointed. the disappointment mounts… you might even get burned a few times by people who take advantage of your idealism (naivety). well-meaning people, like ms. feldman, will start to give you advice like… life’s not fair, deal with it. the sooner you learn, the better. then you become like every other adult in the world- jaded and cynical about the world.

i’m not there yet. but it gets mighty frustrating each time i get disappointed.