monkey nonsense

i’ve started reading this slate blog about a reporter blogging as he reads through the bible. the reporter doesn’t claim to be an expert theologian. he’s also claims to not really be an observant jew so it’s not really any expert analysis or anything. i like the way he worded his reason for trying this blog - “I want to find out what happens when an ignorant person actually reads the book on which his religion is based. I think I’m in the same position as many other lazy but faithful people”

so far, reading his blog has made me think (and actually crack up laughing a few times) about some verses that i’d never really thought too much about. for example:

• the order of creation. God creates light, but he doesn’t create the sun and moon until later on. so for the first few days, what’s the light coming from? and mixed in between all these, he’s creating plants. (note: tho when i did read the NIV version of Genesis 1, i didn’t run into the same “creeping” issue that he did. in fact, i don’t think that God creates bugs on both day 5 and day 6. i read it as in day 5 he created water and air-based animals. and in day 6, he created all land-based animals. but regardless… reading his blog actually made me re-read Genesis 1 a few times over in more detail than i ever read it before!)
• God as a parent. So there’s always that blah-blah-blah-God is like a father-blah-blah mushy symbolism i’ve always heard. that’s why the blogger’s comments on the next section really made me laugh! “The Lord—not so good at follow-through. In Chapter 2, He is clear as He can be: He commands man not to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and bad: “for as soon as you eat of it, you shall die.” No wiggle room there. You shall die. But then when Eve and Adam eat the fruit of the tree a few verses later, do they die? Nope. God punishes Eve with “most severe … pangs in childbearing” and curses Adam by making the soil barren. Any parent knows you have to follow through on your threats, or your children will take advantage of you. God makes a vow He can’t keep—or if He did, He would undo all his good work. So, He settles instead for a half-hearted punishment that just encourages His children to misbehave again. Is it any surprise that we sin again? And again? And again? All the way down to the present day. You can call this “original sin,” but maybe it’s just lax parenting. This isn’t, incidentally, the mighty and distant God of Chapter 1, who shaped the universe and poured the ocean. Instead, this is an exasperated, down-to-earth deity, peevish at being forced to hunt through the Garden of Eden to find His wayward children—more like a frustrated dad who lost his kids at the mall than like God on High.”…. hahahahha. now, i guess this might not be the best picture to view God in… considering it’s saying he doesn’t keep his vow, compares him to a frustrated dad, and questions his parenting skills. but i found it pretty funny at least! later on, the blogger gives a different interpretation of God as a parent… and it’s a bit more charitable. “He’s not indulgent or lax. He’s laissez faire. His job is to push the children in the right direction, but in the end, He understands they must be free to make mistakes. When He rejects the vegan special, God chastises Cain with this advice. “Sin couches at the door; Its urge is toward you, Yet you can be its master.” This is just about the best advice you can give anyone. It is conservative idealism, compressed into a sentence: We must decide for ourselves to do right.” this is the more standard interpretation of God’s parenting skills that i think i hear all the time… but not as funny as the frustrated dad picture.
• is God a meat lover? “I never realized there was a vegetarian angle to Cain and Abel. Cain offers God the fruit of the soil as an offering, while Abel brings the choicest meat. God scorns Cain’s vegetarian platter, so Cain jealously slays his brother.” HAHAHAHAHHA. i think i like this one the best!

the blog is located at: http://www.slate.com/id/2150150/. i haven’t read enough to see whether there’s anything the blogger’s said that i disagree with yet and i’ve been enjoying the questions he’s brought up. but i, apparently, am really easily amused and laugh at most everything so i thought it was pretty interesting and funny. check it out yourself to see if it’s amusing.